The First Few Months Loving The Man God Called Me to Love

After my first twenty-four hours with this man. I knew Zachary was the man God wanted me to love. I was terrified to love again. After all that I had been through I had huge walls up guarding my heart. With only one man in my past did I even partly let walls down but never truly completely forced my self to let my guard down. I was scared to love or to allow my self to be loved. I had always held what my ex husbands did to me in my heart which made any man I attempted to date be guilty of being a low life jerk until he could prove otherwise. I was determined to not let this man slip away. I was determined to give him a fresh start because my future husband deserved a clean slate to start building our love upon. He didn't deserve the left overs that my past left for him. He deserved the very best of me. So I forced my self to not think of him as a liar, cheater, manipulator or a man that was just out to use me. I forced myself to see this man with imperfections as the perfect man for me. I fell in love with this man hard and fast and he did the same for me. Within just weeks I was raising his daughter for a large amount of the time he worked. He basically started to live with me in my home. We became an instant family. He took to my kids and took it upon himself to see that I had children that were hurting from their past and my past divorce and the damage my ex husband left them with and he tried to truly build a bond with my kids. This man spent just about every night with us basically from the beginning. He took half of my closet and owned half of my bed. It was our home. I looked forward to cleaning the house knowing he would be home and I truly wanted to please him and have him come home to a home cooked meal and a clean home. I finally had a man that I desired to please which I had never in my life felt. I wanted to be a good wife to him. I wanted to make him feel so extremely loved and cared for. I wanted to pamper him and spoil him and I wanted to be the me I was truly made to be. This man was shown the love that no woman had ever shown him. I was so happy making him happy. I was so happy building our family. But that is where we went wrong. I had kids, he had a child and we became an instant family. I worked as a manager at Walmart and he worked his job as a correctional officer and ran a lawn business on the side. He did not have much time but the time he did have he spent with us. But again that is where we went wrong. We spent all of our time not working being a family doing family things. We neglected to water our relationship and give it the nutrients it needed to grow. We built a family but we made our relationship suffer in the process. The date nights were far and few between. We had the night time cuddles for just a couple hours between when he got home at 11pm to when he left at 4am but that was it. We didn't have time to build a relationship. We liked our family and we liked our connection and we loved each other but we didn't keep that spark alive and it started to die down.