The Begining of the Man God Gave Me Then Took Away

In October of 2015 I was in a very difficult point in my life. I was just 2 months pregnant with a child and was not in a relationship with her father any longer. I was living in a domestic violence shelter and feared for my life as well as my unborn child. I was completely lost. I was moved to a different city and found a new church that I instantly fell in love with. I started to get back onto the path with God that I needed to be on and living in a shelter gave me a lot of time to pray and reflect. I was on dating sites and passed the time laying in my tiny space messaging men with no intent of actually going on dates. I had a very long all-nighter with God praying about the man I was meant to be with after I was fed up being with the wrong men. God told me that night that I would know when I met the man that I was meant to be with. God also told me, and I remember this so clearly like he was actually speaking it in words, "It will not be easy but it will be worth it, and the testimony with be powerful". I had no idea what that meant and at the time I did not put much care into trying to understand that. As the days went by I would have attractive, wealthy and interesting me message me and start conversations. I would shoot most down from the start. A few of them I would continue small conversations with but every time I was asked on a date I gave it to God and prayed about it. Every time I was told "this is not the one" it was made clear to not waste my time on this one or that one. So I would cut these men out. Then one day there was one that messaged me. Instantly, literally instantly that feeling was different. He messaged me first. We spoke some and he backed off, and I continued to be led to him. We continued conversation for a few weeks and instead of waiting for him to ask me out, I for the first time ever prayed about him and was told "this is him" I asked him to attend a church production on October 30th which my church was putting on. He with out hesitation said yes. We had yet to meet at this point only exchanged text messages. I cant remember if we had even spoke on the phone at this point, I don't even think we did. He came to pick me up and stood outside the privacy fence and sent me a message that he was there waiting for me. I opened the fence gate and remember him standing there leaning against the side of the sidewalk rail with his cowboy boots on. I swear the feeling I felt was a feeling I never have felt and I cant even really put it into words. It is best explained as the feeling of natural love. It felt so natural. It didn't feel awkward at all. It truly felt like we had been dating forever and was just another date night. I didn't feel like I must act perfect to please him. I felt like I was comfortable and could be my self. I believe he felt the same thing. We enjoyed our date at my church. It was a Halloween type of production with blood and costumes of the devil and angels and such and was about picking heaven or hell. After the production we went to my new apartment. We sat and talked but it wasn't like a date I had ever had. We talked about all kinds of things. Favorite things, he asked my favorite toothpaste even. I was not allowed guests past midnight and we didn't want me to get into trouble. So we decided to go to his apartment 25 minutes away. As he was driving we continued our conversations about our past, our exs that destroyed us and what we want in life and in a relationship. Everything he said was what I wanted in a life partner. A family man that goes to church and wants the same lifestyle that I want and the same future for our kids. On that drive he looked at me and asked me to marry him. I looked at him like he was crazy. He said he didn't mean right now but he said that I will become his wife. I laughed and he said just watch. We went to his apartment and put on a movie and laid in bed watching a movie cuddled up. I felt at home. It just felt right. Those were the arms I was meant to be in every day for the rest of my life. The intimacy was undeniable. I made love to the man that I had fallen in love with in just that short night. I thought I was crazy but I just knew it. We woke up and the next morning he went to get his daughter from his babysitter. He brought her back to his apartment and we sat and played with her rocking pony playset and my heart melted for that little girl that morning. She stole my heart with just the first look into my eyes. We ended up spending the day together. We went to watch a football game at Double Daves Pizza (his favorite place) and we went shopping. He bought me some Aggie gear and I got to spend the day with him and his little girl and I didn't want the day to end. Early that evening he dropped me off at my apartment as we both already had Halloween plans with our kids and our exs. He continued to message me and send me pictures of him and his daughter that evening. My heart melted with every message. This was my future husband. I prayed about it over and over. I continued to hear "it wont be easy but it will be worth it and the testimony will be powerful" little did I know just how hard it would truly get.